What to do on a first date to make sure you get a second
So you’ve just finished the call with her, your palms are sweaty and you can’t catch your breath. She has agreed to go on a date with you and you have already started to panic. You’re determined to make the best of this situation and not waste the opportunity, let alone the time and effort you’ve put into courting her.
Usually, on a first date, we’re trying so hard to make a good impression that we forget to be present in the moment. And our heads are full of questions like “What am I gonna say next”, “is she enjoying this place”, “does she like me?”, “should I wait 10 more minutes before going in for a kiss?” These kind of questions aren’t going to do you any good and will most likely end up ruining your date altogether.
You certainly don’t want them going round and round inside your head and end up not paying attention to what she’s saying, otherwise you will be responding with things like “mhm”, “yeah”, and worse case if she asks for your opinion about something she had just told you, well, then you’re screwed. Been there, done that.
So first of all, you need to:
1. Be present
Get rid of all the distractions and focus on HER. You’re there because you want to see if you like her as much as you thought and to check if you two are a match. You’ve spent time organising this date and getting it, so the last thing you want to do is waste the precious time.
Make sure your phone is on silent, try not to get distracted by your social media notifications and only answer your phone if it’s something really important. Otherwise, you shouldn’t be using your phone at all. I’ve done this in the past, and the girl I was on the date with appreciated that I was not on my phone during our time together. And this goes both ways.
2. Be playful
It’s totally normal and understandable to be nervous on a first date. You don’t really know this person, and you have no idea how this is going to play out. But that doesn’t mean you need to act like you’re on a job interview.
It’s so important to be playful when you first meet someone, and not take yourself too seriously. Don’t over do it with probing questions—there’s plenty of time to still get to know each other. The aim is for this to be an open conversation, and to have fun. Let things flow, and see what happens.
I know you might think it’s important to get all your serious questions answered straight away, so you know if this person is serious about wanting a long term relationship or not. But even if they give you all the right answers, you still wouldn’t know who they really are after just one date, so it’s pointless. Take your time and don’t barrage them with too many questions.
3. Talk about meaningful things
First dates can become repetitive and boring if you’re not consciously talking about interesting and exciting things. Questions like, “what do you do?” and “where are you from?” will only take you so far, and they won’t help you to get to know someone’s personality.
Try more far reaching and interesting questions like “What’s Something You Want to Learn or Wish You Were Better At?”, or “What kind of foods do you like to eat the most?”, “If you had the option to pick any sort of hobby, what would it be?”
Don’t be afraid to share something personal (within reason), and perhaps also be a little vulnerable on the first date, or even discuss something close to your heart. Take a risk, see what happens, and where things lead.
4. Be confident
Even if you don’t feel confident, you need to act like you’re a confident person. Fake it till you make it. The more you do this, the more you’ll actually become confident. Women are attracted to confident men who feel good about themselves and know their worth.
Good eye contact is a great indicator of confidence so you need to work on that.
For example, if you’re talking to her and you’re looking anywhere but in her eyes, it really shows that you lack confidence or worse are dis-interested.
You can train your eye contact skills either by yourself in the mirror, or with your friends. This will help you a lot and you will become much more natural at it.
I’ve got a trick for you for when you’re on a date with a girl:
Instead of just looking her straight in the eyes, you can make a triangle between her eyes and lips. When I first found out about this trick, I used to be nervous that she would think I was just looking at her lips and she would be mad about it like “hey why are you looking at my lips?” when in reality the feedback was very very good.
5. Pay attention to both yours and her body language.
When you’re nervous, you might end up talking really fast, or crossing your arms, and doing things with your face or body that are signaling to your date you’re not really comfortable around them.
I’ll teach you a breathing technique for when you’re feeling nervous. It’s nothing too fancy, but it gets the job done.
Breathe in for 5 seconds, hold for two and breath out for 5. Try and make it subtle, although admitting you are nervous to your date is no bad thing, they may appreciate your honesty.
It’s really important that you make physical contact as soon as possible. The earlier you do it, the better. When you meet her, shake her hand, but not like how you’d shake a man’s hand, you need to be more gentle.
In the ideal scenario she’s sitting next to you, and not across the table. This will allow you interact with her a lot easier.
Now, look at her:
Is she smiling at you? Is she playing with her hair? Is she laughing at your jokes even though they’re not THAT funny? These are all good signs.
I’ll teach you another trick:
So you’re sitting down and she’s right next to you. You’re telling her a story about whatever and what you can do is casually touch her arm or shoulder or knee. Those are the best neutral spots that you can go for. There’s two things that can happen:
A. If she likes you, she will be okay with it and will be more comfortable with you and you can escalate from there.
B. If she doesn’t like you, no worries, it’s so casual that it won’t even matter, and she shouldn’t think anything of it.
I’m always tapping people on the shoulder when we talk and it’s so casual that I've never had anybody complain or ask me why I'm touching them.
You need to learn how to make it look natural. If you’re going out of your way to touch them, then you’re doing it wrong. A gentle tap should do. Nothing too fancy.
If she responds well to what you’re doing, you should start escalating towards a kiss. Usually you don’t wanna leave the kiss for the end of the date because the pressure will build up and it might get a little bit awkward.
6. Don’t get (too) drunk.
I’ve been guilty of this one many times. You never want that to happen. The last thing you want to do is to get too drunk and become too pushy or say something stupid.
Have 1 or 2 drinks to get the things going and to calm your nerves. And besides its a waste of time to have more than 2 drinks in the same place. Either tell her that you have the best coffee at home if things are going great, or that you know an awesome bar nearby. It’s important to change the location and not get stuck in one for hours on end.
7. Be yourself.
Wearing a mask is never a good idea for the long term. Trying to impress her with things that are not congruent with who you are is a bad strategy because it will fail 100% of the time.
And honestly, it’s just bad.
Like, if she says something that you don’t agree with, don’t be afraid to speak up and tell her your opinion. So if she tells you that she likes yoga for example and you’re not a great fan of that, instead of saying that you like it, hoping to impress her, you’re better off telling her that you don’t like it that much. Or a clever thing to say would be that you would love to watch her do yoga, but doing it yourself doesn’t sound too appealing.
She shouldnt get upset and she will appreciate your sincerity.
If you try to impress someone by pretending to be who they want you to be, you will end up wearing a mask in your relationship. A mask that will one day slip off.
So always be yourself and stay true to who you are.
8. Let her know you’re interested.
You should let your date know that you’re interested in her and not try to act like you’re not because if you do they might get the wrong impression and think that you don’t like them and the whole thing will start feeling awkward.
If you haven’t already let her know you like her by the end of the date, make sure you do before you part ways.
As I said before, it’s best that you don’t leave the kiss for the end because you both might be nervous by then and it might feel weird. It does for me at least.
But if you haven’t managed to kiss her till the end of the date and you actually want to do it and you see that she also wants it, now is your last chance. You don’t want her going home thinking that you didn’t like her, or even worse, that you didn’t have the courage to do it.
Give her a hug, turn it into a kiss, and tell her you had a great time and would love to see her again if that is the case.
So, to sum it up, the things that you should do on a first date in order to get a second are:
Be present, be playful, talk about meaningful things, be confident, pay attention to both her and your body language, don’t get too drunk, be yourself and let her know you’re interested.
Usually, on a first date, we’re trying so hard to make a good impression that we forget to be present in the moment. And our heads are full of questions like “What am I gonna say next”, “is she enjoying this place”, “does she like me?”, “should I wait 10 more minutes before going in for a kiss?” These kind of questions aren’t going to do you any good and will most likely end up ruining your date altogether.
You certainly don’t want them going round and round inside your head and end up not paying attention to what she’s saying, otherwise you will be responding with things like “mhm”, “yeah”, and worse case if she asks for your opinion about something she had just told you, well, then you’re screwed. Been there, done that.
So first of all, you need to:
1. Be present
Get rid of all the distractions and focus on HER. You’re there because you want to see if you like her as much as you thought and to check if you two are a match. You’ve spent time organising this date and getting it, so the last thing you want to do is waste the precious time.
Make sure your phone is on silent, try not to get distracted by your social media notifications and only answer your phone if it’s something really important. Otherwise, you shouldn’t be using your phone at all. I’ve done this in the past, and the girl I was on the date with appreciated that I was not on my phone during our time together. And this goes both ways.
2. Be playful
It’s totally normal and understandable to be nervous on a first date. You don’t really know this person, and you have no idea how this is going to play out. But that doesn’t mean you need to act like you’re on a job interview.
It’s so important to be playful when you first meet someone, and not take yourself too seriously. Don’t over do it with probing questions—there’s plenty of time to still get to know each other. The aim is for this to be an open conversation, and to have fun. Let things flow, and see what happens.
I know you might think it’s important to get all your serious questions answered straight away, so you know if this person is serious about wanting a long term relationship or not. But even if they give you all the right answers, you still wouldn’t know who they really are after just one date, so it’s pointless. Take your time and don’t barrage them with too many questions.
3. Talk about meaningful things
First dates can become repetitive and boring if you’re not consciously talking about interesting and exciting things. Questions like, “what do you do?” and “where are you from?” will only take you so far, and they won’t help you to get to know someone’s personality.
Try more far reaching and interesting questions like “What’s Something You Want to Learn or Wish You Were Better At?”, or “What kind of foods do you like to eat the most?”, “If you had the option to pick any sort of hobby, what would it be?”
Don’t be afraid to share something personal (within reason), and perhaps also be a little vulnerable on the first date, or even discuss something close to your heart. Take a risk, see what happens, and where things lead.
4. Be confident
Even if you don’t feel confident, you need to act like you’re a confident person. Fake it till you make it. The more you do this, the more you’ll actually become confident. Women are attracted to confident men who feel good about themselves and know their worth.
Good eye contact is a great indicator of confidence so you need to work on that.
For example, if you’re talking to her and you’re looking anywhere but in her eyes, it really shows that you lack confidence or worse are dis-interested.
You can train your eye contact skills either by yourself in the mirror, or with your friends. This will help you a lot and you will become much more natural at it.
I’ve got a trick for you for when you’re on a date with a girl:
Instead of just looking her straight in the eyes, you can make a triangle between her eyes and lips. When I first found out about this trick, I used to be nervous that she would think I was just looking at her lips and she would be mad about it like “hey why are you looking at my lips?” when in reality the feedback was very very good.
5. Pay attention to both yours and her body language.
When you’re nervous, you might end up talking really fast, or crossing your arms, and doing things with your face or body that are signaling to your date you’re not really comfortable around them.
I’ll teach you a breathing technique for when you’re feeling nervous. It’s nothing too fancy, but it gets the job done.
Breathe in for 5 seconds, hold for two and breath out for 5. Try and make it subtle, although admitting you are nervous to your date is no bad thing, they may appreciate your honesty.
It’s really important that you make physical contact as soon as possible. The earlier you do it, the better. When you meet her, shake her hand, but not like how you’d shake a man’s hand, you need to be more gentle.
In the ideal scenario she’s sitting next to you, and not across the table. This will allow you interact with her a lot easier.
Now, look at her:
Is she smiling at you? Is she playing with her hair? Is she laughing at your jokes even though they’re not THAT funny? These are all good signs.
I’ll teach you another trick:
So you’re sitting down and she’s right next to you. You’re telling her a story about whatever and what you can do is casually touch her arm or shoulder or knee. Those are the best neutral spots that you can go for. There’s two things that can happen:
A. If she likes you, she will be okay with it and will be more comfortable with you and you can escalate from there.
B. If she doesn’t like you, no worries, it’s so casual that it won’t even matter, and she shouldn’t think anything of it.
I’m always tapping people on the shoulder when we talk and it’s so casual that I've never had anybody complain or ask me why I'm touching them.
You need to learn how to make it look natural. If you’re going out of your way to touch them, then you’re doing it wrong. A gentle tap should do. Nothing too fancy.
If she responds well to what you’re doing, you should start escalating towards a kiss. Usually you don’t wanna leave the kiss for the end of the date because the pressure will build up and it might get a little bit awkward.
6. Don’t get (too) drunk.
I’ve been guilty of this one many times. You never want that to happen. The last thing you want to do is to get too drunk and become too pushy or say something stupid.
Have 1 or 2 drinks to get the things going and to calm your nerves. And besides its a waste of time to have more than 2 drinks in the same place. Either tell her that you have the best coffee at home if things are going great, or that you know an awesome bar nearby. It’s important to change the location and not get stuck in one for hours on end.
7. Be yourself.
Wearing a mask is never a good idea for the long term. Trying to impress her with things that are not congruent with who you are is a bad strategy because it will fail 100% of the time.
And honestly, it’s just bad.
Like, if she says something that you don’t agree with, don’t be afraid to speak up and tell her your opinion. So if she tells you that she likes yoga for example and you’re not a great fan of that, instead of saying that you like it, hoping to impress her, you’re better off telling her that you don’t like it that much. Or a clever thing to say would be that you would love to watch her do yoga, but doing it yourself doesn’t sound too appealing.
She shouldnt get upset and she will appreciate your sincerity.
If you try to impress someone by pretending to be who they want you to be, you will end up wearing a mask in your relationship. A mask that will one day slip off.
So always be yourself and stay true to who you are.
8. Let her know you’re interested.
You should let your date know that you’re interested in her and not try to act like you’re not because if you do they might get the wrong impression and think that you don’t like them and the whole thing will start feeling awkward.
If you haven’t already let her know you like her by the end of the date, make sure you do before you part ways.
As I said before, it’s best that you don’t leave the kiss for the end because you both might be nervous by then and it might feel weird. It does for me at least.
But if you haven’t managed to kiss her till the end of the date and you actually want to do it and you see that she also wants it, now is your last chance. You don’t want her going home thinking that you didn’t like her, or even worse, that you didn’t have the courage to do it.
Give her a hug, turn it into a kiss, and tell her you had a great time and would love to see her again if that is the case.
So, to sum it up, the things that you should do on a first date in order to get a second are:
Be present, be playful, talk about meaningful things, be confident, pay attention to both her and your body language, don’t get too drunk, be yourself and let her know you’re interested.
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I love travel, the arts, reading, enjoy nature and all its beauty, prefer to holiday in remote locations, love to cook (especially using fresh ingredients) and have a passion for music and Aston Martins.