How to talk to girls at parties – key tips for shy guys
If you’re shy, what’s the best advice about chatting to girls at parties?
If you're a shy guy, there's a distinct possibility your friends will often try to advise you the best place to meet single girls. Foremost amongst this list of ideal locations will be parties. Why? Because parties represent a hospitable environment with a relaxed vibe: good music, refreshments, and most importantly, a large number of girls congregating to socialize and have fun.
The trouble is, if you fall into the category of ‘shy guy,' the thought of going to any venue where you might find yourself immersed in a crowd might well cause you to break out in a cold sweat.
How to talk to girls at parties
The fact is, parties are an excellent place for getting to know single girls. It's up to any quiet guy to make the most of this opportunity, even if it means having to conquer that Achilles Heel of introversion. But which IconicMan doesn't appreciate a challenge? The key to establishing a connection is down to one basic human interaction: the art of conversation. What you say to a single female, and how you say it, will help break the ice. What's more, a combination of affable chat and natural charm can establish a sense of chemistry. Here are some basic tips which will not only overcome shyness, they'll give you the courage to approach single girls in other social situations.
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The first step is having the confidence to make the first move, and a crucial aspect of this is feeling comfortable in yourself. When you go to a party, unless it’s fancy dress, your attire should be smart but casual. Wear an outfit which will attract a single girl's attention, but which also makes you feel calm and laid back. Now you're ready to progress to the next level, selecting someone to connect with.
How to choose the right girl to talk to?
Before approaching anyone, take some time to appraise the situation. Start by developing a shortlist of interesting girls. Unlike going to some crowded nightclub, where the talent is spread over a wide area, here the pool of available females will be confined to a few rooms. Now make some preliminary observations. Look out for wedding rings. Does the body language of a male hovering around one particular girl tell you they're an item? Eavesdrop on conversations. If you hear an attractive girl discussing her impending hen weekend, assume she's off-limits!
Non-verbal communication
Before you start fretting about how to stir up a conversation with a girl at a party, you can prepare some groundwork. In any social gathering where there's a lot going on, with people mingling or dancing, there will be opportunities to make eye contact. This must be done subtly, otherwise the source of your affection might get the impression you're just being creepy. Catch someone's eye for a fleeting moment, long enough to let them know you've noticed them, and flash a smile. Perhaps even a wink. The latter action might seem cheeky, but it also implies confidence. Single girls like confidence. In an atmosphere where there's likely to be a lot going on, it's a way of grabbing someone's attention.
Making the first approach
Here's an important tip: if the person you're interested in is part of a group, don't be intimidated. Take a deep breath, ensure your inner introvert allows the more gregarious person you aspire to be to take center stage, then boldly stroll over. Introduce yourself to them all, but home in on the one you are hoping to get to know better. This will ingratiate you with this girl on so many levels. On the one hand, you are ticking one of the most important boxes for any singleton, that you are prepared to reach out to her wider social circle. Secondly, she will feel privileged to have been singled-out for attention.
What things to say to a girl? You won’t come across many females at parties who don’t appreciate compliments. Tell her you love her hair, eyes, makeup, clothes, dance moves … Why not all of the above?! Her accent – ask her where she’s from. Can she recommend places of interest to a visitor? Perhaps she could be your tour guide someday? Generic topics – movies, restaurants, music – present endless conversational opportunities. One key point: don't just ask a series of questions. You don't want to come across like an interviewer. Open inquiries, which can't simply be answered yes or no, will provoke a more detailed response.
Common conversational icebreakers might include: who do you know at this party? Have you been invited to these parties before? If you've both arrived at the same gathering, there's every chance you'll have mutual acquaintances. This will open up a whole arena of possibilities for dialogue as you share anecdotes about friends you have in common. There are also many do's and dont's when it comes to talking to girls. Avoid politics or religion, as these can be contentious topics. Sport can be touched upon, but swiftly moved beyond if you notice her eyes glazing over. And the biggest don’t of all? Never be tempted to overdo the Dutch courage before making your move. Nobody likes being pestered by a drunk.
How to understand whether she's interested or not?
It's one thing mastering the art of how to talk to girls at parties, but you need to recognize you've made a definite connection. This can be tricky, as uninterested girls might feign enthusiasm through politeness. Does she laugh sincerely at your jokes? Is she tactile, reacting to your comments by playfully touching your arm? Do you get the impression she's flirting with you, by playing with her hair or maintaining rigid eye contact?
It can seem daunting to have to pay attention to so many variables when it comes to talking to a single girl at a party. But the good news for any shy guy is this. The vast majority of girls you are liable to encounter at these social gatherings will be up for getting to know a friendly single guy like you. The only barriers to accomplishing a successful union are the ones you've invented, based on anxiety or the fear of rejection. Just repeat the mantra to yourself. You're an IconicMan and fear is for wimps. Now start talking!
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Loves writing articles, as well as his own fiction. A passionate fan of movies and box-sets, he also dreams of penning a highly-acclaimed screenplay or two. Away from his laptop, he plays guitar, synth and sings in a rock band, and dreams of heading the bill at the Glastonbury Festival.