Tinder Sucks! How to improve your digital dating game?
Digital dating sucks! There's certainly no denying that digital dating has taken off in a big way. It was only a few years ago that if you asked anyone if they'd give internet dating a try, they'd look at you as if you were mad. They'd most likely roll their eyes and insinuate that such things were best left to perverts, losers, or lunatics looking to invite trouble into their lives.
Against all the odds, apps such as Tinder have shaken off these stigmas and seen a massive surge in popularity. Today, digital dating apps are big business, they've become an indispensable tool for singles around the globe looking to hookup, date, or find a life partner.
Curiously, the sexes view dating apps in very different ways. Women generally tend to view them as a positive and useful tool, while many men find them a necessary evil, a depressing reminder of their perceived low market value; "Tinder sucks!", they'll exclaim, yet they'll still spend lonely evenings optimistically swiping this-way-and-that, hoping their luck will change.
In the Business of Love, You're the Customer
The truth is, Tinder (the company) views men and women very differently. It's important to remember that dating apps are big business and that they've invested a great deal of money into fine-tuning their systems to generate profit. For Tinder, part of that process relies on understanding the differences between the sexes and then exploiting and capitalizing upon these.
READ ALSO: Why is OkCupid better than Tinder in 2019
Tinder is a business and any business needs at least two elements: customers and a product. However, if you ask most people to name the product Tinder provides, they'll likely answer that it's the software platform itself, a handy application that connects singles. They'd be wrong.
The reality is a little more interesting, the platform isn't the product at all, it's a shop floor.
So, if the service isn't the product what is?
The Difference In Experience
Ask your male and female friends to describe their experience on Tinder and you'll get vastly different answers.
Women are inundated with choices. Tinder is a smorgasbord of eligible men, they're drowning in options. Indeed, many women will complain they simply don't have enough time to keep up with all their matches!
For men, Tinder is a lonely desert. Even the most handsome of men will rarely match with the women they want. Matching with anyone at all can be something of a challenge!
Now ask yourself, how does Tinder make money?
The answer is in two ways: embedded advertising and premium services. For our needs, advertising can be ignored, as this is simply a means to help Tinder generate profit from their non-paying users. It's the existence of premium services gives the game away.
Consider this, out of the two groups, men and women, which is more likely to purchase a service which increases their visibility? Will it be those who are overwhelmed with choice or those struggling for matches?
Bingo! It's the males.
As a male, you're Tinder's primary customer.
When viewed this way it becomes obvious that in the eyes of Tinder, women are seen as the product, a product in high demand and short supply. They make this "product" accessible to men via the premium service's promise to raise your visibility.
When you think about it, it's not all that different from how clubs will let women skip the queue or offer them cheaper drinks as a means to draw male clientele. Tinder does this in a more calculated and algorithmic fashion.
Once you understand this dynamic, you're ready to approach Tinder with a different and realistic mindset, one that will increase your success and minimize your frustrations.
Escaping the Dating Matrix
When you realize you're not on an equal footing with the women of Tinder, you can start to play the game in a way which will maximize your success.
You'll also find a decrease in the negative effects many men report when using Tinder, such as decreased confidence or self-esteem issues. You'll no longer be looking at Tinder as a reflection of your real-world value, instead, you'll understand that you're a consumer experiencing a sales pitch.
For men, a free Tinder account is little more than semi-functional, it's an advertisement for the premium service. The frustrations you feel are a carefully orchestrated part of that advertising process: a means to increase your chances of making a purchase.
So now you've taken the red pill and you understand that you're in a system that's looking to use you. What next?
There are three ways in which you can escape the Tinder matrix and improve your success with a free Tinder account. These simple changes in approach and attitude should transform your relationship with the app. It will also minimize the psychological damage that is a very real danger for men who use Tinder.
1. Swap Gender - Go on a Scouting Mission
Before you jump into the world of Tinder, it's useful to scout out the competition. It's also incredibly valuable to experience the app from a woman's perspective.
For a week, either set up a fake account as a female, perhaps ask the permission of a female friend to use their photo, or use a stock image available on multiple image sites. Or, easier still, ask a female friend to show you their experience with the app.
Pay attention to the huge numbers of matches that even the dullest female profile will generate. This will help solidify your understanding that this is an unbalanced system.
While you're doing this, also take a look at the competition. See what other males are doing, see which male profiles stand out, notice what is generic and dull. Scout the competition and learn what you're up against.
This exercise will also help you develop empathy for the women you'll eventually meet. If she's taking a while to respond, now you'll know why!
2. The illusion of choice
Imagine this game: There are ten differently patterned envelopes, one contains a one-hundred-dollar bill, the others are empty. You have to pick an envelope. After each round, the game will be repeated with another ten envelopes. The goal is to find as many bills in the least amount of time.
There are two ways to play, choose your rules:
1. You can pick only pick a handful of envelopes based on which designs you prefer, the others will be destroyed.
2. You can keep all the envelopes and see their contents. After this, you can choose to discard those that are empty.
Which set of rules is going to leave you wealthiest?
The answer is obvious. Option 2 is the fastest and most effective means to find all the bills in as little time as possible.
Tinder is set up much like this game but, bizarrely, most men opt for the first set of rules!
The reality is that Tinder offers you an illusion of choice. Many men will spend time looking at profiles, trying to choose if it's worth swiping right or left. Many are incredibly fussy about these choices.
But the truth is that almost all the women you'll see on Tinder are like the empty envelopes, it doesn't matter if you like them or not, you'll never match.
Furthermore, by falling for this illusion of choice you're creating a false sense of rejection, increasing your desperation, and lowering your self-esteem. You're also walking straight into Tinder's plan, creating a compelling but false reason to purchase a premium account—you think it might give you a chance to match with those illusory "empty envelope" women.
Instead, it is better to blindly swipe right on absolutely every profile, and reserve your choices for later, once you match. At this point, you can then decide if your match is someone you'd like to pursue. Open every envelope!
The only real "pool of women" are those with whom you match, everything else is an illusion!
3. It's a numbers game
Dating is a numbers game. The more connections you make, the more options you have, the higher your chances of success. Matching is only the first step in that process. So, maximize your chances at matches!
Spend absolutely no time at all on the illusory decision-making first stage of tinder. Make sure you use up all your right-swipes each day!
Your goal is to discover who you can really choose from and you can only do that by attempting to match with everyone!
Swipe right, swipe blind, swipe fast.
Build your numbers and save decision making for when it matters, when it's real.
It may seem cold, but you're up against an algorithm that is designed to fool you. Don't get sidetracked by this sleight of hand!
4. Delete your Account
This suggestion is somewhat more speculative. Many Tinder users report a burst of matches in the early days and a slow decline as time passes.
Tinder likely gives you a burst of success early on to get you "hooked" on their service, then throttles your visibility over time. This artificial drought is designed to increase the allure of switching to a premium account.
This makes sense from a sales perspective, it's the classic approach for any addictive product, "the first one's free".
To avoid algorithmic restrictions, regularly delete your account when you start to notice a drop in matches. Then, start afresh with a brand new account and enjoy the surge of matches as Tinder tries to convince you their service is worthwhile.
Reality Check
It's wise to remember that Tinder is nothing like the real world. If you're going to entrust your dating life to an app, be prepared to be manipulated. Tinder is not an altruistic app designed to bring love to the world, it's a business that is looking to turn a profit.
It's a useful tool but it doesn't have your best interests at heart. Learn to use it rather than to be used by it.
From here on, when the real matches come rolling in, it'll come down to your charm and wit!
Here's one final hint from a dating perspective: stand out from the crowd and skip text messaging. Use texting only as a tool to move as quickly as possible to a phone call or, ideally, a real world meeting. It's confident, it's real, and gives your personality a chance to shine.
Against all the odds, apps such as Tinder have shaken off these stigmas and seen a massive surge in popularity. Today, digital dating apps are big business, they've become an indispensable tool for singles around the globe looking to hookup, date, or find a life partner.
Curiously, the sexes view dating apps in very different ways. Women generally tend to view them as a positive and useful tool, while many men find them a necessary evil, a depressing reminder of their perceived low market value; "Tinder sucks!", they'll exclaim, yet they'll still spend lonely evenings optimistically swiping this-way-and-that, hoping their luck will change.
But what if I told you that you've been using Tinder wrong?
There's more to Tinder than meets the eye. To understand why this is the case, it's first important to consider what Tinder really is and your relationship towards it.In the Business of Love, You're the Customer
The truth is, Tinder (the company) views men and women very differently. It's important to remember that dating apps are big business and that they've invested a great deal of money into fine-tuning their systems to generate profit. For Tinder, part of that process relies on understanding the differences between the sexes and then exploiting and capitalizing upon these.
READ ALSO: Why is OkCupid better than Tinder in 2019
Tinder is a business and any business needs at least two elements: customers and a product. However, if you ask most people to name the product Tinder provides, they'll likely answer that it's the software platform itself, a handy application that connects singles. They'd be wrong.
The reality is a little more interesting, the platform isn't the product at all, it's a shop floor.
So, if the service isn't the product what is?
The Difference In Experience
Ask your male and female friends to describe their experience on Tinder and you'll get vastly different answers.
Women are inundated with choices. Tinder is a smorgasbord of eligible men, they're drowning in options. Indeed, many women will complain they simply don't have enough time to keep up with all their matches!
For men, Tinder is a lonely desert. Even the most handsome of men will rarely match with the women they want. Matching with anyone at all can be something of a challenge!
Now ask yourself, how does Tinder make money?
The answer is in two ways: embedded advertising and premium services. For our needs, advertising can be ignored, as this is simply a means to help Tinder generate profit from their non-paying users. It's the existence of premium services gives the game away.
Consider this, out of the two groups, men and women, which is more likely to purchase a service which increases their visibility? Will it be those who are overwhelmed with choice or those struggling for matches?
Bingo! It's the males.
As a male, you're Tinder's primary customer.
When viewed this way it becomes obvious that in the eyes of Tinder, women are seen as the product, a product in high demand and short supply. They make this "product" accessible to men via the premium service's promise to raise your visibility.
When you think about it, it's not all that different from how clubs will let women skip the queue or offer them cheaper drinks as a means to draw male clientele. Tinder does this in a more calculated and algorithmic fashion.
Once you understand this dynamic, you're ready to approach Tinder with a different and realistic mindset, one that will increase your success and minimize your frustrations.
Escaping the Dating Matrix
When you realize you're not on an equal footing with the women of Tinder, you can start to play the game in a way which will maximize your success.
You'll also find a decrease in the negative effects many men report when using Tinder, such as decreased confidence or self-esteem issues. You'll no longer be looking at Tinder as a reflection of your real-world value, instead, you'll understand that you're a consumer experiencing a sales pitch.
For men, a free Tinder account is little more than semi-functional, it's an advertisement for the premium service. The frustrations you feel are a carefully orchestrated part of that advertising process: a means to increase your chances of making a purchase.
So now you've taken the red pill and you understand that you're in a system that's looking to use you. What next?
How to Maximize Your Tinder Experience
There are three ways in which you can escape the Tinder matrix and improve your success with a free Tinder account. These simple changes in approach and attitude should transform your relationship with the app. It will also minimize the psychological damage that is a very real danger for men who use Tinder.
1. Swap Gender - Go on a Scouting Mission
Before you jump into the world of Tinder, it's useful to scout out the competition. It's also incredibly valuable to experience the app from a woman's perspective.
For a week, either set up a fake account as a female, perhaps ask the permission of a female friend to use their photo, or use a stock image available on multiple image sites. Or, easier still, ask a female friend to show you their experience with the app.
Pay attention to the huge numbers of matches that even the dullest female profile will generate. This will help solidify your understanding that this is an unbalanced system.
While you're doing this, also take a look at the competition. See what other males are doing, see which male profiles stand out, notice what is generic and dull. Scout the competition and learn what you're up against.
This exercise will also help you develop empathy for the women you'll eventually meet. If she's taking a while to respond, now you'll know why!
2. The illusion of choice
Imagine this game: There are ten differently patterned envelopes, one contains a one-hundred-dollar bill, the others are empty. You have to pick an envelope. After each round, the game will be repeated with another ten envelopes. The goal is to find as many bills in the least amount of time.
There are two ways to play, choose your rules:
1. You can pick only pick a handful of envelopes based on which designs you prefer, the others will be destroyed.
2. You can keep all the envelopes and see their contents. After this, you can choose to discard those that are empty.
Which set of rules is going to leave you wealthiest?
The answer is obvious. Option 2 is the fastest and most effective means to find all the bills in as little time as possible.
Tinder is set up much like this game but, bizarrely, most men opt for the first set of rules!
The reality is that Tinder offers you an illusion of choice. Many men will spend time looking at profiles, trying to choose if it's worth swiping right or left. Many are incredibly fussy about these choices.
But the truth is that almost all the women you'll see on Tinder are like the empty envelopes, it doesn't matter if you like them or not, you'll never match.
Furthermore, by falling for this illusion of choice you're creating a false sense of rejection, increasing your desperation, and lowering your self-esteem. You're also walking straight into Tinder's plan, creating a compelling but false reason to purchase a premium account—you think it might give you a chance to match with those illusory "empty envelope" women.
Instead, it is better to blindly swipe right on absolutely every profile, and reserve your choices for later, once you match. At this point, you can then decide if your match is someone you'd like to pursue. Open every envelope!
The only real "pool of women" are those with whom you match, everything else is an illusion!
3. It's a numbers game
Dating is a numbers game. The more connections you make, the more options you have, the higher your chances of success. Matching is only the first step in that process. So, maximize your chances at matches!
Spend absolutely no time at all on the illusory decision-making first stage of tinder. Make sure you use up all your right-swipes each day!
Your goal is to discover who you can really choose from and you can only do that by attempting to match with everyone!
Swipe right, swipe blind, swipe fast.
Build your numbers and save decision making for when it matters, when it's real.
It may seem cold, but you're up against an algorithm that is designed to fool you. Don't get sidetracked by this sleight of hand!
4. Delete your Account
This suggestion is somewhat more speculative. Many Tinder users report a burst of matches in the early days and a slow decline as time passes.
Tinder likely gives you a burst of success early on to get you "hooked" on their service, then throttles your visibility over time. This artificial drought is designed to increase the allure of switching to a premium account.
This makes sense from a sales perspective, it's the classic approach for any addictive product, "the first one's free".
To avoid algorithmic restrictions, regularly delete your account when you start to notice a drop in matches. Then, start afresh with a brand new account and enjoy the surge of matches as Tinder tries to convince you their service is worthwhile.
Reality Check
It's wise to remember that Tinder is nothing like the real world. If you're going to entrust your dating life to an app, be prepared to be manipulated. Tinder is not an altruistic app designed to bring love to the world, it's a business that is looking to turn a profit.
It's a useful tool but it doesn't have your best interests at heart. Learn to use it rather than to be used by it.
From here on, when the real matches come rolling in, it'll come down to your charm and wit!
Here's one final hint from a dating perspective: stand out from the crowd and skip text messaging. Use texting only as a tool to move as quickly as possible to a phone call or, ideally, a real world meeting. It's confident, it's real, and gives your personality a chance to shine.
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Dream specialist and psychological researcher. I'm the author of best-selling lucid dreaming guidebook, "Are You Dreaming?". I also work as a sleep science consultant and dabble in YouTube. It's my passion to share the subtleties, science, and psychology of the human experience. I also have a soft spot for dogs in hats.