Pros and cons of a polyamorous marriage – Don’t be fooled by open marriages
At some point, you may have thought about a threesome involving your wife and that beautiful woman that works at your favorite coffee shop. Many of us possibly have. But what would happen if that threesome turns into a relationship? Would something like that work, and would you want it to work?
Open marriages or polyamorous ones are seen as the responsible answer to monogamy. You may or may not agree with that, but the truth is that seeing other people and having the full consent of your partner is more responsible than outright cheating. Polyamory has become a term that groups together different kinds of non-monogamous relationships, from exclusively romantic to multi-partnered ones.
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So how do polyamorous marriages work? Are they a life model that can bring you the harmony and balance you need? And are partners really able to focus on multiple partners while keeping their relationship going?
Well, we are going to find that out and more, but first let’s have a quick look at the way polyamory appeared and evolved over the years. It will help you get a better understanding of whether this is a phenomenon that is here to stay or just an edgy fad that will go the same way as pagers.
In short, this term stands for multiple love relationships rather than multiple sexual partners.
Polyamory is participation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships and it is a term coined by Jennifer L. Wesp in 1992. That doesn’t mean the practices associated with polyamory were a product of the ’90s. People have been experimenting with multiple sexual partners or love interest for thousands of years, even before the Greek and Roman banquets that made the practice famous.
When it comes to marriages, as in most cases, this translates into both parties agreeing to the terms and conditions, that they have about receiving other people in their relationship. And that is usually a hard topic in any marriage.
One very important thing to mention is that polyamory and open relationships are not quite the same things. They are not synonyms but rather terms that overlap. An open marriage does not have the romantic element that is often described by polyamorous couples.
To put it simply polyamory addresses romantic and sexual needs while open marriages mostly cater to finding other sexual partners outside of marriage.
The pros and cons of having a polyamorous marriage can only be fully taken into account after the couple reaches this level of understanding.
The real interesting fact is that polyamory, as an umbrella term, brings together so many non-monogamous practices that they are quite hard to keep track of.
But before you go any further you need to know that there are two main types of polyamory that married couples experiment with.
In this scenario, the members of a relationship maintain their understanding of how open their relationship is but prefer not to know or share too much about their partners. If you are into such an agreement, it means that both you and your wife can have separate multiple sexual and romantic partners.
Not only are you aware that your respective partners will not meet with you in real life, but you will know very little about the partners each of you has. This is one of the most common arrangements in poly marriages. Depending on the level of communication between spouses it is not unusual for you to confide in some of the adventures with your other partners.
Kitchen table polyamory
This term was coined to depict the level of interaction between both spouses and their respective partners. In this case, all of you form a polycule, and act so comfortably and connected that you can get together for special occasions, dinners or anniversary and act as a group of friends. It does not mean that all the members of the group need to have a sexual or romantic connection.
This is the way married couples embrace polyamory when they are comfortable enough to meet. It all boils down to the level of communication, and how comfortable all the participants feel with the arrangement.
1. It can revive your relationship
It sounds strange that bringing other people into your marriage can work wonders for the level of trust, love, and connection between spouses. But, from what poly couples experience when making the transitions, it seems that it does.
First of all, remember that this is not a decision to be taken overnight. Secondly, confiding in your partner on such a personal level can work miracles if done properly. If you are interested in trying out this kind of strategy you need to reach a level of honesty that your marriage has probably not reached before. And that can transform any relationship for the better.
2. It brings back the butterflies
This particular form of marital arrangement means that you and your partner are free to fall in love again. Ok, it might take some time before you can get used to the idea, and not all people can instantly fall in love just because they were given permission.
But the idea that you are not required to somehow limit your feelings to one person for the rest of your life may be enough to remove some of the constraints and pressure marriage brings.
3. It helps you better yourself
Meeting and getting to know more people will give you a good understanding of what you need to improve about your own person. Moreover, with no love restraints, you will be able to explore deeper into the personalities of the people you need and learn from their experiences. Being in a polyamorous marriage will allow you to connect to a constant stream of new experiences, possibilities, and ventures, that would have been impossible under the strict terms of monogamous marriage.
4. It will help you make new connections
Dating more than one person at a time will open you up to the world more. Increased socializing and meeting new kinds of people will make you a more worldly person and improve your existing traits. Finding out more about your new dates will enrich you both socially and romantically.
Meeting new people to fall in love and sharing common experiences, will bring you great benefits and change your perspective on life. The more people you relate to on a personal level, the more you will discover both yourself and the world around you.
5. It will change your sex life forever
Polyamorous marriages start with partners trusting enough to share their most intimate thoughts and be brutally honest about their needs. But interacting, and falling in love with other people, may lead to surprising changes in your sex life. Some experience a resurgence of sexual encounters with their spouse, or main partner. Others find more sexual gratification in their new partners, or by enjoying them together. Whatever the case, your sex life will skyrocket.
1. Jealousy
Although both partners agree to the rules of a poly marriage, that doesn’t mean that they are not capable of experiencing jealousy. Because playing with feelings is harder than playing with sex, sometimes things can go wrong. Jealousy is not something we can anticipate or control, no matter how much we discuss it in advance, so be careful to keep an eye out for any sign. It is human nature to be jealous, so if this is one of the reasons that could stop you from going polyamorous, don’t think that you are not open-minded enough.
2. Stigma
Polyamory is not a stranger to stigma. It may not seem much at first but society will not look kindly at a married couple who entertains this idea. The very thought that something like this is acceptable for some people will immediately make others take notice. That is why over the centuries, these kind of fringe romantic and sexual practices have been kept as secret as possible.
Not even kings and queens would have been well treated in public if people found out. Imagine how hard it could be for you, given the fact that most monogamous couples, religions, and cultures, find this almost impossible to accept.
3. Disorder
Balancing your profession, your main partner and the people you meet and fall in love with, may prove more of a time-related problem than you think. It may cause you to lose concentration and focus less on the things that are truly important to you. Think about it this way. If you have a barely organized existence that you are trying to improve the last thing you need is more distraction in your life. Especially one that takes up the time you need to achieve your goals. Keep your feet on the ground and decide carefully.
Affairs that combine love and sex can do a lot of harm if not looked after properly.
4. Complexity
Dealing with the emotional problems that can be found in a marriage is one thing. Dealing with the emotional problems of other partners as well tends to be even more complicated. If you were not great at the first one, maybe you should leave the second one to people who can better relate to the complexity aspect of handling multiple partners at once. This is the flip side of the multiple love scenario. More people will be there to support and comfort you in your time of need, but they will expect the same from you. There are no half ways when it comes to emotional involvement.
5. Faulty contract
If our arrangement was made as a last resort before breaking up, or because one of the partners insisted too much, your polyamorous marriage may not last all that long. People who take up this lifestyle as an excuse not to break up will never get passed the problems that forced them into this choice in the first place.
Poly relationships sometimes accentuatethe problems the couple is going through, and that is especially true if one of the partners only agreed out of fear of being left alone. If you feel this lifestyle suits you, act before your marriage is consumed by too many problems.
That way you can be sure that everybody is on the same page and nobody is simply committing to an illusion, just for the sake of saving a relationship.
I hope that you enjoyed our list and that it helped you get an idea of what a polyamorous marriage means and what are the most important things you should know about it.
But now it's your turn. Have you or your friend have ever been in a polyamorous marriage? And if so what are the other pros and cons you have encountered. Leave us an answer in the comment box below and don't forget to like and check out our youtube channel.
And remember!
The way you chose to live your life comes down to personal choices. If you and your partner feel like this lifestyle better suits your marriage you should go ahead and have a talk.
Just make sure you both agree and use it as a learning experience and not as a way to avoid responsibilities or save your marriage.
Open marriages or polyamorous ones are seen as the responsible answer to monogamy. You may or may not agree with that, but the truth is that seeing other people and having the full consent of your partner is more responsible than outright cheating. Polyamory has become a term that groups together different kinds of non-monogamous relationships, from exclusively romantic to multi-partnered ones.
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So how do polyamorous marriages work? Are they a life model that can bring you the harmony and balance you need? And are partners really able to focus on multiple partners while keeping their relationship going?
Well, we are going to find that out and more, but first let’s have a quick look at the way polyamory appeared and evolved over the years. It will help you get a better understanding of whether this is a phenomenon that is here to stay or just an edgy fad that will go the same way as pagers.
Who invented Polyamory and what is it?
In short, this term stands for multiple love relationships rather than multiple sexual partners.Polyamory is participation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships and it is a term coined by Jennifer L. Wesp in 1992. That doesn’t mean the practices associated with polyamory were a product of the ’90s. People have been experimenting with multiple sexual partners or love interest for thousands of years, even before the Greek and Roman banquets that made the practice famous.
When it comes to marriages, as in most cases, this translates into both parties agreeing to the terms and conditions, that they have about receiving other people in their relationship. And that is usually a hard topic in any marriage.
One very important thing to mention is that polyamory and open relationships are not quite the same things. They are not synonyms but rather terms that overlap. An open marriage does not have the romantic element that is often described by polyamorous couples.
To put it simply polyamory addresses romantic and sexual needs while open marriages mostly cater to finding other sexual partners outside of marriage.
The pros and cons of having a polyamorous marriage can only be fully taken into account after the couple reaches this level of understanding.
The real interesting fact is that polyamory, as an umbrella term, brings together so many non-monogamous practices that they are quite hard to keep track of.
But before you go any further you need to know that there are two main types of polyamory that married couples experiment with.
Parallel polyamoury
In this scenario, the members of a relationship maintain their understanding of how open their relationship is but prefer not to know or share too much about their partners. If you are into such an agreement, it means that both you and your wife can have separate multiple sexual and romantic partners.
Not only are you aware that your respective partners will not meet with you in real life, but you will know very little about the partners each of you has. This is one of the most common arrangements in poly marriages. Depending on the level of communication between spouses it is not unusual for you to confide in some of the adventures with your other partners.
Kitchen table polyamory
This term was coined to depict the level of interaction between both spouses and their respective partners. In this case, all of you form a polycule, and act so comfortably and connected that you can get together for special occasions, dinners or anniversary and act as a group of friends. It does not mean that all the members of the group need to have a sexual or romantic connection.
This is the way married couples embrace polyamory when they are comfortable enough to meet. It all boils down to the level of communication, and how comfortable all the participants feel with the arrangement.
Top 5 pros of polyamourous marriages
1. It can revive your relationship
It sounds strange that bringing other people into your marriage can work wonders for the level of trust, love, and connection between spouses. But, from what poly couples experience when making the transitions, it seems that it does.
First of all, remember that this is not a decision to be taken overnight. Secondly, confiding in your partner on such a personal level can work miracles if done properly. If you are interested in trying out this kind of strategy you need to reach a level of honesty that your marriage has probably not reached before. And that can transform any relationship for the better.
2. It brings back the butterflies
This particular form of marital arrangement means that you and your partner are free to fall in love again. Ok, it might take some time before you can get used to the idea, and not all people can instantly fall in love just because they were given permission.
But the idea that you are not required to somehow limit your feelings to one person for the rest of your life may be enough to remove some of the constraints and pressure marriage brings.
3. It helps you better yourself
Meeting and getting to know more people will give you a good understanding of what you need to improve about your own person. Moreover, with no love restraints, you will be able to explore deeper into the personalities of the people you need and learn from their experiences. Being in a polyamorous marriage will allow you to connect to a constant stream of new experiences, possibilities, and ventures, that would have been impossible under the strict terms of monogamous marriage.
4. It will help you make new connections
Dating more than one person at a time will open you up to the world more. Increased socializing and meeting new kinds of people will make you a more worldly person and improve your existing traits. Finding out more about your new dates will enrich you both socially and romantically.
Meeting new people to fall in love and sharing common experiences, will bring you great benefits and change your perspective on life. The more people you relate to on a personal level, the more you will discover both yourself and the world around you.
5. It will change your sex life forever
Polyamorous marriages start with partners trusting enough to share their most intimate thoughts and be brutally honest about their needs. But interacting, and falling in love with other people, may lead to surprising changes in your sex life. Some experience a resurgence of sexual encounters with their spouse, or main partner. Others find more sexual gratification in their new partners, or by enjoying them together. Whatever the case, your sex life will skyrocket.
Top 5 cons of polyamourous marriages
1. Jealousy
Although both partners agree to the rules of a poly marriage, that doesn’t mean that they are not capable of experiencing jealousy. Because playing with feelings is harder than playing with sex, sometimes things can go wrong. Jealousy is not something we can anticipate or control, no matter how much we discuss it in advance, so be careful to keep an eye out for any sign. It is human nature to be jealous, so if this is one of the reasons that could stop you from going polyamorous, don’t think that you are not open-minded enough.
2. Stigma
Polyamory is not a stranger to stigma. It may not seem much at first but society will not look kindly at a married couple who entertains this idea. The very thought that something like this is acceptable for some people will immediately make others take notice. That is why over the centuries, these kind of fringe romantic and sexual practices have been kept as secret as possible.
Not even kings and queens would have been well treated in public if people found out. Imagine how hard it could be for you, given the fact that most monogamous couples, religions, and cultures, find this almost impossible to accept.
3. Disorder
Balancing your profession, your main partner and the people you meet and fall in love with, may prove more of a time-related problem than you think. It may cause you to lose concentration and focus less on the things that are truly important to you. Think about it this way. If you have a barely organized existence that you are trying to improve the last thing you need is more distraction in your life. Especially one that takes up the time you need to achieve your goals. Keep your feet on the ground and decide carefully.
Affairs that combine love and sex can do a lot of harm if not looked after properly.
4. Complexity
Dealing with the emotional problems that can be found in a marriage is one thing. Dealing with the emotional problems of other partners as well tends to be even more complicated. If you were not great at the first one, maybe you should leave the second one to people who can better relate to the complexity aspect of handling multiple partners at once. This is the flip side of the multiple love scenario. More people will be there to support and comfort you in your time of need, but they will expect the same from you. There are no half ways when it comes to emotional involvement.
5. Faulty contract
If our arrangement was made as a last resort before breaking up, or because one of the partners insisted too much, your polyamorous marriage may not last all that long. People who take up this lifestyle as an excuse not to break up will never get passed the problems that forced them into this choice in the first place.
Poly relationships sometimes accentuatethe problems the couple is going through, and that is especially true if one of the partners only agreed out of fear of being left alone. If you feel this lifestyle suits you, act before your marriage is consumed by too many problems.
That way you can be sure that everybody is on the same page and nobody is simply committing to an illusion, just for the sake of saving a relationship.
I hope that you enjoyed our list and that it helped you get an idea of what a polyamorous marriage means and what are the most important things you should know about it.
But now it's your turn. Have you or your friend have ever been in a polyamorous marriage? And if so what are the other pros and cons you have encountered. Leave us an answer in the comment box below and don't forget to like and check out our youtube channel.
And remember!
The way you chose to live your life comes down to personal choices. If you and your partner feel like this lifestyle better suits your marriage you should go ahead and have a talk.
Just make sure you both agree and use it as a learning experience and not as a way to avoid responsibilities or save your marriage.
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Loves to play with new ideas, binge writing, traveling and gourmet coffee. Professional writer of non fiction with over 8 years experience in putting words to paper. Fan of iconic movies, sports, The Arctic Monkeys and city breaks. Yes, he knows how good his coffee is.